Long time, no blog! Time to look back over the last year, I guess, as I have done at the end of the previous two years, and somehow evaluate and isolate the highs and the lows. This last year has probably been one of the most intense of my life, and I'm not sure I have stopped to draw breath and think it over, even yet.
So, I have finally completed my degree. At the start, I went into it thinking 'If I can get a 2:2, I'll be pleased - but if I can push myself to a 2:1, I'll be ecstatic' . Well, I managed (somehow) to surpass my aim, and I've ended my course with a BA (Hons) - 1st class! I've also been named as the joint winner of the 'Mad Hen prize for Design' - which is awarded to the student(s) who demonstrates the Mad Hen values and ethos of working together, having fun, being fair, telling it 'like it is' and realising that however big you are, the world is bigger. Given some of the difficulties faced in the last year, being informed that its felt you have achieved and demonstrated those values leaves me feeling that the hard work was largely worth it.
And I did work as hard as I possibly could, because with the recession impacting on my family and situation, as it has on so many others, I was constantly aware of the financial sacrifices completing this degree put on my family, not to mention how they were neglected whilst I worked incredibly long hours. To not go all out to do my best would have been so wrong, it would have been a waste, and I stressed about and put myself under a lot of pressure to try and take advantage of every opportunity and to do all the work involved to the very best of my ability. The last year has been incredibly hard going, for that reason, as well as others.
The scene for my final year, and the work I did during it, was set unintentionally at the end of my second year, when I decided to go all out to get as much work experience as I could. A lot of what I did has already been detailed in previous blogs, so I'm not going to go over old ground, simply say that from that start I made a lot of contacts and was given a lot of opportunities, that very quickly resulted in the formation of what was initially called 'The Wrexham film and Photography Collective' - group of students who all wanted to develop their professional practise and enhance C.V's, by taking part in a massive range of real life work experience.
The growth of the Collective has formed a huge part of my final year - it wasn't intentional, there was no deliberate plan on my part to take this direction, particularly at the start. It was something that once begun, just seemed to almost have a life of its own, and particularly for the first few months, being honest, it was more a case of reacting to and grabbing opportunities, with no idea where it was leading or how much of an impact it would have. On the advice of my lecturer, The Collective and the work I did with it, formed a massive part of my Negotiated 1 and 2 studies. In addition, I also undertook projects in collaboration with a profession MUA, and in the second half of the year, I also did a brief - but intense - solo project based around the idea of doing something that was a complete contrast to everything else I had been involved in.
I don't think it occurred to me that the Collective would have the impact it did. Too busy just going with the flow and grabbing and responding to the opportunities that arose, it only gradually became apparent to myself and others, that we were causing a bit of a stir. Lecturers, Stewart Edwards and Marrisse Mari were fantastically supportive - I think they saw the potential long before I, or any of the many other students involved, did. All of us involved in the group owe them massive thanks for everything they did - for the advice, practical support and for the facilities and equipment they made available - and for the amount of their free time they gave us. Dave Robinson, another lecturer, was also extremely supportive and gave us a lot of his time, and we owe him big thanks too. This support, for me, is one of the 'Highs' of my final year.
And another high - The Collective ended up being written about in the local press, getting a lot of attention from various departments within the uni and from outside organisations, and through it, myself and others have had access to a range of experiences and opportunities that I think went beyond anything that we could have envisaged. The feedback we have had from a number of sources was a real boost! Fellow 3rd year students Paul Lowndes and Holly Cooper, involved from almost the start, have ended up, like myself, working virtually full time, running the group and devoting a massive amount of time to it. 8 -12 hour days either at events or on jobs, followed by similar days editing and organising at uni (often 5 days a week), with yet more hours packed in working at home, have largely become the norm - I don't think that there have been more than a handful of days, over the last 8 -10 months, that we have actually had as days off. In fact, Paul, Holly and myself are now in the position of gradually turning the basis of the Collective, into a business which we hope will eventually allow us to earn a living - a long way to go, but the feedback we have had, the interest shown and the support offered indicate its worth sticking with. Working alongside Holly and Paul has been a really good experience :)
Up there, also on the list of 'Highs', are the opportunities I've had to work in close collaboration with a lot of fellow students. The massive amount of work that so many have put in, to support the Collective, often at their own expense in terms of both time and money, is amazing - and they have done this alongside completing the set modules, and their own personal work for their degree. Thank you to all of you - and thank you too, for putting up with me stressing my head off on the occasions when we have been put massively under pressure to complete and deliver work under extremely trying circumstances.
I feel that another huge positive of the last year has been the chance to meet such a large number of incredibly creative people, from outside organisations and groups, to interact with them, to work with them, and to learn as I've watched them work. Big Thanks to people like Steffan Jones Hughes and the lovely staff at the Oriel Wrecsam, to Dave Gray and lots of other people based at the Foundry, to Jane Redfern Jones and Offa Councillors, and to Wendy Paintsil and @67 - these people and organisations have given so much support and provided me (and others in the Collective) with a massive range of opportunities :)
The final high for me is the satisfaction of knowing that I honestly did my best, that I (somehow) met a lot of challenges and situations that were difficult, but still managed to deliver.
So - to the lows.
This may be where I piss a few people off - but maybe, I will also give a few individuals pause for thought, too!
Although I really can't see how anything I, or the Collective, have done in the last year can possibly have impacted negatively on any other person, it seems some feel it has . And some of the reactions have been really petty and/or unpleasant, and very personal . One person apparently ranted about how 'talentless' I was and actually expressed a desire to physically assault me, for example ! There have been accusations of 'favouritism' and 'teachers pet' style comments made (and yes, when I heard about that, I had to remind myself that I was supposedly in university, and not primary school ! ). First semesters grades were released, and just about everyone was busy exchanging news on how they had done - later, I found out that this led to a couple of particularly vicious attacks, where everything from personal insults were aimed at me, through to the implication being voiced that somehow I was responsible for others not getting the marks they felt they deserved - go figure ! Only a very few individuals were involved in this sort of behaviour and reaction, thankfully - but it was sustained, and repeated, and got to be very boring. I just wonder what it says about these individuals, that none of the nasty comments were actually made to my face . I did tackle one of the culprits, incidentally - curious as to what on earth I had ever done to warrant the appalling comments that had been made . The excuse I got was so pathetic, that I am not even going to repeat it !
At the Graduate show, lecturers asked the Collective to organise a small selection of A4 images depicting the events and work that all its members had covered over the previous 12 months. As part of the groups function is to provide work experience for all years of the course, this display was to partly demonstrate that aspect, which several of us had included in our negotiated studies, or professional practise - collaboration and peer learning . We were given a large noticeboard, that as far as I am aware, isn't usually used to display work for exhibitions, to put this work on, so it didn't take exhibition space from anyone else . Nevertheless, several students apparently got the student rep to approach the lecturers, objecting to the Collectives work being featured . Again - note that these people didn't approach me or anyone else in the group directly .
Because of the amount of client work involved, the Collective were given - at the uni's instigation, not in response to any requests made by the group - the use of two macs and an area for the Collective work to be done in. Really appreciated, and it would have been done for ANY group who were in the situation Collective members were in. It sickens me that it appears that some objected to this, to the extent that it appears that work was deliberately interfered with and destroyed - even now, I would love it if an innocent explanation could be found for us repeatedly finding work had been 'deleted' or 'corrupted' - however, as this immediately stopped happening once a lock was fitted to the editing area's door, it seems unlikely that the explanation can be in any way 'innocent' or 'accidental' . Seriously, how can anyone justify this sort of vandalism and extreme behaviour ? Was the groups work so threatening and important to these sad individuals that they had to stoop to such disgusting behaviour.
A friend happen to publish a quote, that maybe some people need to think about - 'Blowing out someone else's candle won't make yours shine any brighter' .
I am not going to go into the fact that it wasn't just the odd student that seemed to have a problem with the Collective :(
So - that's it . A pity about the lows, but good that they in no way match the 'highs' . I am 100% glad that I went to uni - I have learnt, I have developed, I have had some fantastic experiences, and I have made some great friends, and met some amazing people :) Facing an uphill struggle now, to make a career and a living from my degree - but then so is everyone, in this current economic climate, so its a case of just keeping on, and using everything I've learned to do my best to make it work :) On the horizon now is my first commissioned solo exhibition, with hopefully more opportunities springing from that, and on-going collaboration with a lot of local organisations and individuals, that I hope will eventually, lead to opportunities to enable Paul, Holly and myself, to actually generate a regular income. Small, paid jobs are lined up - its just taking, and building on all that - uni may be over, the hard work isn't !
